what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
