i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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