So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
