Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
