you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
