Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
