The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
