Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
