I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
