i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
