You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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