so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
