Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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