Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
