were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
