Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
