Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
