Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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