dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
