The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
