I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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