she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
