Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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