So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
