I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
