ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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