Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
