So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
