Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
