I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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