Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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