all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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