you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
