Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
