After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
