Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
