Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
