i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
