I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Boobs speak an international language.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
