my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
