there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
