I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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