I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
