I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
