in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
