I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
