You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
