Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
