According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
