im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
