Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
