as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
