we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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