I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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