Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
