Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
