Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
