sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
